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Girlfriend – # 1

On our first date, I gently nudged her against the railing, amidst a tourist attraction, high above the city, on a mountaintop crowned by a castle – because it felt like the moment for a kiss.

At least, to me.

But not to her.

She turned her head away and said:

„I can’t.“

Now things are different. We’re together now. And now, there are times when I can’t.

She pushes me against the wall. Over and over. Not physically, but in my mind. It’s the emotions she stirs within me, trying to draw them out.

She presses me against that invisible wall, and it takes everything I have. It’s hard. I suffer, I scream, I writhe, and I try to escape, but breaking free is nearly impossible. She loves me fully and completely, and that’s why she’s so relentless. And often, through tears and convulsions, with every ounce of her strength, she manages to soften me.

And then, it emerges in me too:

Love.

The love that has always been there, dormant, hidden and protected, buried deep within my heart because of the damage it has endured over time.

But now, I am further from being a complete wreck. I’ve been able to repair some of the damage.

A while ago, it was even harder for her to make my love flow, but now, perhaps, it’s becoming easier for her.

It’s also becoming easier for me to allow love in – even though I still rely on her help.

Love comes forth, even with her help. And even when it gets messy or painful, because she uses what feels like a ethereal hook – plunging it into my heart, pulling me, my soul, my body, my mind, my feelings into the light of love.