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In the Lap of Chili

Just as Josef was getting comfortable in front of his PC and about to consume some chili chips, his cell phone rang – on the display was a reminder to pick up his son from kindergarten.

He quickly put away the ultra-hot chili chips, which were undoubtedly far too dangerous for his four-year-old son, and then put on his shoes, pushed his shoelaces in, and headed out the door for the five-minute walk.

For not unknown reasons and still in the appropriate mood, he thought of the kindergarten teachers. Joseph recalled them all: Lisa and Emma, Isabelle and Sophie, Anna, Lara and Sarah. And although he had only had casual interpersonal exchanges with them so far, the mere thoughts of their nature, their essence, how they presented themselves – each of them beguiled him in her unique femininity.

As soon as he arrived at the outdoor area of the kindergarten, Josef immediately saw his son Jack in the sandbox and saw how the boy next to him not only snatched the mold out of his hand, but also pushed him over.

“Hey!” Josef shouted, ran up to them in a flash, noticed a flying shoelace between his feet, and with the next step he was swept to the ground: an impact, his chin, teeth clenching, in the middle of a mixture of sand, grass and red ants.

Josef spat, ignored the pain, and looked across the ground to see his son at least thirty meters away picking himself up and giving the other boy a slap in the face.

“Jack, yes! Well done!” Josef shouted, and the other boy covered his face and cried.

Just as Josef tried to raise his head, a woman walked right over him, roughly brushing the sole of her shoe against the back of his head. At least she had sneakers and great legs. “No, that wasn’t good!” the woman said without looking back at him. “It’s not a boxing match!”

Looking closely from behind, Josef couldn’t tell which teacher it was. Never seen her before. But she was definitely in a warlike mood.

Josef cleaned himself up and went to the sandbox. Inside was a well-constructed sandcastle, but it was also partially damaged and had shoe prints on it.

“Dad, he also destroyed my sandcastle,“ said Jack.

”Yes, but that’s no reason to use violence,“ the woman replied, taking the crying boy in her arms.

”Are you a kindergarten teacher? I’ve never seen you here before…”

Green eyes, no make-up, just a bit of lipstick, and Josef faltered a bit, as if he was standing on a skateboard for the first time. He even felt a bit sick, either from the fall or because he just liked the woman.

„I’m Kevin’s mother. And violence is never right.”

She wasn’t wearing a wedding ring, but she had earrings with blue topaz gemstones in them.

“But he started it,” said Jack, taking care of his damaged sandcastle.

“Well, there you have it. Your son Kevin started it.”

“Is everything all right?” asked a kindergarten teacher from somewhere behind Josef. From the sound of the voice, Josef knew exactly that it must have been Emma.

“I can handle this,“ Kevin’s mother said, stroking her son’s back as he continued to cry. She didn’t take her eyes off Josef, looking at him suddenly, as if she expected an apology.

And then she ran her hand through her own hair.

”I’m not going to apologize. But… Josef,” he said, extending his hand. ”What’s your name?”

She held out her hand, and he took it, but she immediately pulled it back again.

“What’s my name?” she replied, and when a small smile appeared at the corner of her mouth, she shook her head in irritation.

„Well, I even saw your son Kevin snatch the mold out of my son Jack’s hands. And then he even pushed him over.”

“You talk like a child yourself.“

”All right. But my son Jack behaved correctly.“

”Give me one good reason for violence,“ she challenged him.

”Gladly. How about theft?“

”It was still wrong.“

”If you don’t tell me your name now, I’ll call you Marie from now on.”

“Tsk, just as hollow as your name… Josef… Are you trying to lecture me?“

”Maybe just convert you, but you’re pretty stubborn. But I won’t give up. So: your son was violent. My son only defended himself. Your son started it.“

”And you’re crazy!“

”I’m not crazy. I’m just teaching my son what’s right and what’s wrong. He was deprived of his mold. And your son wanted to harm mine. He did the right thing.“

”Your wife would certainly not see it that way.“

”Hm, I’m divorced. You too?“

”That’s none of your business.“

Kevin’s crying fit subsided a bit, and Marie nodded, bit her lower lip, ended her facial expressions with a shake of her head, and rolled her eyes.

The banter with Marie – definitely better than eating chili chips at the PC.

“Okay, taking the mold like that was wrong. I’ll explain that to Kevin later. But it was also wrong to defend yourself like that. Tell your son! Now!” she ordered.

„No, I won’t do that. Because it would be even worse not to defend yourself at all.”

“Have you lost your mind?“ Marie asked, turning away with her son in her arms as if she wanted to leave.

”Have you lost your mind?“ Joseph repeated.

Jack chuckled and, without looking up, added another tower to the castle.

”Have you become a gray parrot?” she wanted to know.

She turned back to Josef and scrutinized him.

“Is there something special about me to examine?”

“You can leave with your violent son here now.”

“No,” Josef replied, grinning at her until she looked down. “I’m staying here, just like you. Go away! Besides, my son is still building his sandcastle.”

Marie tried to stifle her laughter, shaking her head again as if it were a thirty-euro fine.

“You’re not a grown, mature man, you’re a little kid. Good, now I know.”

“Well, ma’am, I’m not sorry about that.”

After Marie had scanned her son’s face – there was no flesh wound – she took Kevin by the hand and said,

“Hopefully I won’t see you here again.“

”I hope not either.“

Then Marie stomped off.

”Dad, you’re grinning,” said Jack.

“Indeed. Because I think Marie just stole something from me,” said Josef, trying to get his shoelace back into his shoe, poking at it until only half of it was hanging out, and then leaving it at that.